Sunday, July 14, 2013

There's a War in My Mind

There are a number of ways to grow older.
I've chosen an unfamiliar path, an exhilarating one I feel most comfortable travelling along.
Until now.
It's not an unfamiliar feeling.
I vividly recall the unwelcome surprises adolescence visited upon my body ... changes I wasn't ready for and lashed out at without success.
It happened again during pregnancy and post-birth with #1 Son ... stretch marks like welts disappearing into secret places.
More physical and emotional changes went with the second, third and fourth big babies I carried, birthed and fed.
Then a lull, a time when walking, running, yoga and most of all dancing, became my joys.
Then I gave up alcohol and watched my bloated face disappear and cheekbones reappear.
More recently I've liked the creases around my eyes and neck ... now they are deeply etched and I realise yet again, I am unprepared for the next stage of permanent physical changes that come with ageing.
The creases and lines are there on "good" days and "bad", while although menopause hasn't even started knocking at the door, it's something I'll need to start thinking and reading about.
Dear reader, this is not a fishing expedition.
I need no reassurance.
I'm just putting it out there ... I'm talking about ageing, toying once again with the concept, getting accustomed to looking older than I did a few months ago.
And as always I tell myself and anyone who will listen, if we're lucky we'll get to live to a ripe old age.
Life is beautiful.

Yesterday I took my neck crepe to the Salvos where The Stylist snapped off a few pics of her happy but extremely tired Mama.
Fatigue seems to be a permanent state for me these days.
Again ... not complaining, it's just a fact of life.

Black sequin beret, 1950s layered slips, Papua New Guinea bilum bag, necklace and earrings - op shops
Leather jacket - retail sale
Layered tights - Sock Dreams
Miss Camel Toe t-shirt - Ms Mink
Shoes - Dolls Kill sale

Later that day, I took The Stylist to a birthday party where she dressed as Bat Girl.
I guess that makes me Bat Mama here.

Careful of those hooves!
Like Mama's, they've got some real leverage and she seems relieved at being taught to accept growth spurts as a means to becoming stronger.
I hope growing up is easier for my sons and daughter, than it was for me and my peers.

When her cape didn't work out, I chopped the back off one of her brother's t-shirts, leaving the neckband intact so she could pull it over her head.
And I painted a pretty lame upside down bat and told her it was asleep - heehee.

My knitting skills are at the uber-beginner stage, but I made these two pairs of fingerless mittens for our cold mornings.
They're brilliant for using with touch screens.
Here's the super-easy tutorial to make them.

I thought I'd show you my hair in the wave clips I used to create today's 1930s-style hair-do ... with extra pinkage!

I do hope you've enjoyed a spectacular weekend, every one of you!
Desiree xx


  1. You inspire me so much. You are so fearless when it comes to loving life, and you seem like such an amazing person as well as an amazing style icon and do you manage it?! <3

  2. Yet another post of joy. I love the way you write Desiree. This is such a refreshing take on a subject that most women find utterly depressing. For a mama of 4, you are in amazing shape and look fantastic always. Most importantly of all you look healthy and happy. You have such a positive outlook on things like body image and that will stand your girl in good stead for the future. I will be taking a leaf out of your book as I face more changes ahead. Thank you! Xxxx

  3. You will be always be beautiful to me because of your beautiful heart. Menopause is yet another phase of a woman's life & with it comes yes some changes but some great ones too! I hope you're one of the lucky ones that doesn't even notice! The Stylist looks awesome as bat girl, a girl after my own bat heart! You look amazing, even though you say you're exhausted. Great job on the wrist warmers! With more practice you'll be whipping up jumpers in no time (Big needles, love those big needles, everything goes faster!) XXX PS your hair is looking AMAZING!

  4. You have the most wise and wonderful attitude my dear Desiree, one I agree with entirely. Change is the only constant in our lives, so how can we expect our bodies and faces to stay the same! I'm so far enjoying noting the lines and white hairs that are arriving as I approach 40. You're so right that the important thing is to feel blessed to live long and meaningful lives.

    On a different but similar note, how cool does the Stylist look in her batgirl film, wow! Not to mention her hot-to-trot Batgirl mother!

  5. I think that most people see the whole of us, but we are our worst enemy and look for faults,no matter the age.
    I have learnt to live every day to the full, enjoy every step of the path, and hopefully I will live as long as I am alive in my head, heart and mind. let´s say 120?
    Great post, my dear friend.
    Such a breath of fresh air.
    Love and admire you.

  6. Love that you have chosen a different path! I'm right there with you, GF! (altho not as daring as you). Ageing certainly has its ups and downs; one moment its okay--the next WTF??? At the end of each day, i count my blessings. I enjoy sharing it with you~

  7. A post of wisdom, joy and inspiration! I'm with ya sista..growing older is a privilege in some ways I feel and I have learnt to live in my aging skin, wrinkles, saggy bits n'all. And it's so much fun not giving a fuck. I never really much enjoyed adolescence in the way many youngsters seem to these days. Now is much better.
    Loves you, I do.

  8. The bat cape is inspired, and your thoughts on aging are so thoughtful. Like you, I sort of like the additional lines and wrinkles. It's the sagging that I'm not thrilled about. But because of sharing with women like you, I looked in the mirror the other day and actually thought I looked thinner and, well, better! I think it's the way I see myself now that I see the beauty in aging.

    The worst thing I've had with menopause (really the only thing) is hot flashes - nothing prepares you for how COMPELLING they are!

  9. Nothing speaks more to me than honesty with ones self! Thanks for sharing your very real struggles with us, I think we can all relate to some part of this post. Age is a feeling not a number but no one can deny the body starts to fall apart. It's that decay that is so scary no matter what, it's there everyday along with all that beautiful!

    I loved seeing you doing your hair, it's a nice peaceful sort of ending and you are such a beautiful creature. I have been having a love affair with Katy Perry's teen age dream song, driving fast windows down singing at the top of my lungs, I feel like that is my life right now only I'm not a teen, and that is what makes this girl so happy right now.
    Wanna race? We could dance until we die too!
    Love you sweetheart!

  10. you're so inspiring and beautiful, dear lady, it's a pleasure growing old with you, side by side! and I wish we would walk every step with attitude and style!!
    Love so much your outfits, that t-shirt and leather jacket is fabulous, and that sequined beret and über awesome shoes really rock!, and always love your leggings and booties!
    And love that dear Stylist kickass attitude!!
    besos & mucho love

  11. when I was young I thought menopause= death! I want through that in 2005 and you know what? No big deal, maybe I had it easy, but I think it's over hyped to get us to feel bad and go take drugs. A 5 minute hot flash? I got over that pretty quick. Not having a period is also nice. You rock and so does The Stylist!

  12. You are one of the coolest ladies out there. I love how you accept life as it comes at you and go with it. You make every step fun, interesting, and totally you.

  13. No matter what your age, you'll stay hip and lively, I'm sure!

  14. You're a beautiful inspiration Desiree xxx

  15. I sincerely hope we're not even half way through our lives yet - I've as much energy as I did as a teenager, it's just a freak accident at birth which means my poor body is falling apart and I have to undergo old peoples' surgery.
    Getting older is inevitable, I laugh when I see the old bag staring back at me in the mirror after a particularly messy night out and relish the menopause, not ever having had a maternal instinct finally I'll be able to stop with those fricking pills and not get in a panic if I'm an hour late taking one.
    The cape is a work of genius, you girls have so much fun. xxx

  16. Women go through such a huge number of changes in life, don't we? It's sometimes scary and sometimes good. I guess they just mark the passage of time. It's funny how we learn from our mother's experiences too. My mum is just coming to the end of her menopause. She's allowed her hair to go grey and, I think, she seems very comfortable in who she is. Ultimately, that's all any of us should be concerned with, irrespective of age, are we comfortable in who we are? That's why I love following blogs like yours, Vix and Helga. You all seem happy to be you without trying to blend in Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  17. You are so beautiful in that video, your hair is amazing (must get myself some of those clips and try that out), and your eye make up is super! But I must know - what is the amazing lipstick you're wearing??

    And yeah, getting older is inevitable, but that doesn't make it easier. Some times we notice slowly, on a daily/weekly basis, and some times it hits us, wow, I have GREY hair now?! BUT, I'm trying to accept it, as I approach 40, and in my own way also doing things differently (I don't plan to have children for example). I think the paths we chose are all good, if we chose them ourselves. Life is indeed beautiful!

    ~LittleMissPlump (Sara)

  18. Gosh I very much relate to this as on Wednesday I shall be 45. I lurch between being grateful to be here at this age, with a life I love and a man I love, to have learned what I have learned and done what I have done. Across to, when I stop and think about it, always being tired and always aching somewhere. Being all seized up in the morning which means I have to hobble out of bed and the fact it looks like I am developing the jowls I dread, the ones that make my mother look miserable all the time even when she's not.
    Sometimes I look at my 18 year old nephew and ache to be that age again to instantly replace that with relief that I am not.
    Birthdays cause too much navel gazing for sure!

  19. I know that feeling of being unprepared. When I catch sight of myself in the mirror sometimes, I think god, look at that face. When did that happen? :) But you look delightful, so pretty, so colourful, so full of life.

    I can't wait for the menopause. I shan't miss any of that business at all.

    The stylist looks fabulous as a kick-ass bat girl. That t-shirt cape is inspired! xxxx

  20. What a wonderful and thoughtful post. As usual. You are amazing.

  21. Now this is a bit spooky, because I was wondering whether to do a post about ageing, I have for the first time felt there are bits of my body I am less comfortable with than I used to be... And then I thought I might NOT do the post, as it tends to sound as though the required response is reassurance, and I was worried about the stern "don't show that body hatred round here" voices!
    In truth, of course any of us can explore these issues honestly and openly as we choose. I recognise that while we are the lucky ones, those of us still here to notice the lines and the grey hairs and all the various changes ageing brings, it doesn't mean we don't have some adjustments and accommodations to make around those changes. It happens all the way through our lives, as you say.
    You don't need my approval or reassurance, Desiree, I know - but I do want to say that you are beautiful. So is your kick-ass Stylist, and she has a great role model for honesty and acceptance and respect in her mama. xxxx

  22. You always make me smile!!!
    The Stylist is just too toot cute!!

    I used to worry about aging but honestly now I couldn't care less!!

    I'm old enough to know better and still crazy enough to do it anyway!

  23. Loving the skirt/leather jacket/tee combo in the first pics! Bat Girl is so bad@ss!! Just like her mama. It's good to take note and be conscious of how we change...

  24. I thought of ageing last week. When I did our anniversary post I looked at six years of images of me and saw the ravages of time. My only thought/vanity is I hope Jarvis does not mind having an older Mumma.

  25. I absolutely love this post, Desiree! I'm a decade older than you and I def feel time's winged chariot some days -- but it's still a grand ride all the same. Thanks for sharing this terrific post with Visible Monday. xoxoxo

  26. You my dear... are always an inspiration. I too have spent the week making , (trying actually ), to make peaces with aging. In my case... Menopause seems to be a bigger foe than I anticipated... I thought I had already out run her... only to realize... that was just her round one.

  27. Such wise words, you are such an inspiration to others Desiree x

  28. The joys of aging just got a whole lot better after reading your post. Thank you for your weekly jolt of energy you send my way.

  29. You are forever young, Bat Mama!

  30. you inspire me constantly, you always give me a wonderful confidence boost - I am 44, I had a minor wibble about it (what happened to my breasts! neck crepe! jelly bottom! what's with the tiredness!)but my upside is that I definately am more relaxed, happy and free - Bat mama and Bat girl are a team of awesomeness! x

  31. Another lovely and thought provoking post. First off you are fully rocking the leather/vinyl jacket and glorious pink hair with killer shoes. I have to say that as a 44 year old I have a rather bipolar approach to ageing either embracing or denying all knowledge as the mood takes me. That's life though eh? Take the beautiful highs with the shite lows and live as loud as you dare. You are fab xx

  32. Beautiful post beautiful you! Watching the wrinkles & grey hair increase isn't a riot, but like you say, every day is a gift. Life is so short. I think you are one of the few women with that magical gift of looking ageless. Your age is probably very hard to pick!
    I laughed at the camel toe T! Well done on the mittens too. Our catchup is definitely over due. I might be over your way on Wednesday, or next Tues/Weds. I'll shoot you a text if I do. Xx

  33. Sometimes in my darker moments I think it's a drag being in my fifties, but then I pull my socks up and think about the past twelve cancer-free years and realise I am a miracle of modern medicine!

  34. I love your words, it's so hard for women to deal with body image and its perception, the secret is loving ourselves more and every change should be celebrated! You look stunning and I still can't believe that you had 4 babies, probabily that's your beauty secret, your relationship with your lovely daughter keeps you younger and happy!
    I love your outfits and the comic strip character costumes to bits!!

  35. FAH! Thank you for provoking a sharing of feelings about aging - or evolving if you prefer!

    Menopause is a drag mainly because it has been medicalised and we're living in a culture that only seems to prize forever-young and tries to shame folks who are living outside that paradigm.

    The worst bit about it I've found, is the hormonal mayhem - how ironic, all the chaos of puberty AND decreptitude LMAO as well as the hot flush/power surges - but then you find coping strategies - I now find myself an avid fan collector - and there is something quite flirty about a quick fan-flutter.

    Knowledge is power - keep on doing that thing you do :)

  36. Bat-Bella is such a babe! I love watching her style evolve here, along with yours. I'm visiting because I'm writing a post about sexy,and you are the posterchild. So of course there's a timely post from you about aging and acceptance. I love you. The way you express, your dress and words. Thankyou.

  37. Bat-Bella is such a babe! I love watching her style evolve here, along with yours. I'm visiting because I'm writing a post about sexy,and you are the posterchild. So of course there's a timely post from you about aging and acceptance. I love you. The way you express, your dress and words. Thankyou.

  38. Aging is a bitch. A sweaty wrinkly yellow toothed bitch. But when I consider the alternative, I'll take it. Watch out for the menopause fairy, tho. She will sneak up on you and kick you in the butt! Keep that black cohosh handy. You and the stylist are super stars!

  39. Thank you for the video! You're even more gorgeous in live action!

  40. Ah, The Stylists is so freakin' awesome!
    Now, I AM moving into menopause territory, and it's pretty suck, but hey, can't do anything about it! We just gotta be fabulARSE and true to ourselves and rock it out! I must say, I've eben pretty lucky as far as genes go, not too many signs of ageing yet.......eeep!
    You're a foxacious minx,baby!
    Love and Lustipops!XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  41. I think that aging is a beautiful process actually. I am 31 and have 3 kids. My body is still young, but I've put it through hell and back--that's for sure. Even though it isn't as sturdy as it was in my younger twenties, I still wouldn't trade it for anything. You are an inspiration and I think you look beautiful. So does the Stylist!! Your mittens are so adorable!

  42. You are right - life IS beautiful! This is one of the reasons I love your blog so much, its about living life to the fullest regardless of what age you are. You always look like you're having a blast - which is AWESOME. The stylists batgirl outfit rocks, as does her kick - watch out bad guys!

  43. The stylist will keep you young forever, she is perfection!! Best super chic ever with the hottest mother ever. Age, barhumbug!!!

  44. I just saw this on Trade me which might interest you:

  45. It seems that ageing and body issues are on the minds of many of us lately (Bella's post on "Sexy" and Curtise's mention of it). I did my "Menopause" post a couple of months ago. I remind myself that I am lucky to still be above ground, but that doesn't mean that I don't have moments where I feel sad to see the changes happening to my body, most noticeably in the last 2 or 3 years. It takes more exercise to keep the muscles strong and the weight down, and things hurt that didn't hurt before. I miss being able to sleep through the night. However, I am also much calmer, more emotionally stable, and choose my battles more carefully than I did in decades past and for that, I am immensely grateful.

    I am such a fan of The Stylist - she is a truly delightful, self-possessed young woman (thanks to Mama) and I've have enjoyed seeing her blossom in the time I've been following your blog. I want the exact same outfit you are wearing in the store in this post - so f**cking awesome! Helga says it best - "we just gotta be fabularse and true to ourselves and rock it out"!

  46. Desireeita,
    I love you and you always inspired me. Your mi Reina. The Bella stylist is too cool. love her bat-girl costume. She is so lucky to have a such a great MaMacita like you.
    I don't really care about getting old I feel old since birth. I am an old soul. My fave outfit is the pink tights get up.Oooo your creepers are fabulosos.Oh is that a sexy slip I see.

    I adorar your 1930's hair tut, I think I have a few of those hair thingys around.

  47. Oh I have just read all the amazing comments above, I don't know how I feel about getting's just body is starting to show wear and tear. I won't experience menopause as most woman because of having a full hysterectomy at such a young age, just like I don't know what it's like to be a mummy........the woman side of me is lost in a sea of emptiness I feel sometimes.
    Oh sorry Desiree that's all a little self indulgent.
    I am sure you will face this next faze of life with a willingness to make as fun, exiting and truly wonderful as you do with everything. Much love V

  48. Nicely said, I don't care what I look like as long as I can see my grandchildren one day. I have only been through one birth but geez, yeah, sure does change things, but it makes me smile, my body knows I have accomplished something great. Reminds me every day. haha.

  49. It's a privilege to age and to have wonderful bloggers like you to admire in the process. I appreciate and am inspired by your style and your sharing. The Stylist will have an easier time growing up because she has you as a mother.

  50. Hey,
    nice post.. would you like to follow each other.!!!
    Keep in touch

  51. I'm glad you laid it all out there Desiree with such honesty - recently I've been having similiar thoughts - I'm seeing the changes and anticipating worse to come and not liking it much I have to say. It's good to be reminded that in many ways it is a privilege to get older!

  52. wow!! I love that hair! Those clips are the answer too. Must get some. Do you put them into wet hair? You look fabulous, ageing does hit now and again, even though we're mostly ok with it. I'm sure you'll pick yourself up, get through this next stage and carry on as normal.
    Brilliant bat girl costume, love the sleepy bat! also adore your ringmistress tails coat xxxx

  53. I am not worthy to comment, such a straggling sorry ass.
    I have never seen a woman of fatigue look so fabulous, nor a woman without fatigue. You dazzle.
    The war in my mind about aging is winning - I don't know which side, but it's winning. I don't know what that means.
    The Stylist is a spectacular Bat Girl!

  54. I feel you. I too notice the changes in me and it makes me wonder.
    At least you are having fun with your style and your kids - the Batgirl outfit on the Stylist is great! I know a lot of people who are so repressed, even when they are younger... Growing older is inevitable, we might as well make the most of it :)

  55. I must have been meant to read this post today Desiree, I've been feeling like the years have suddenly crept up on me in the past few months and it is knocking my confidence a bit. As one commenter said above, when you're an older mum, it worries you a bit that your child will wish they had a younger mum. I was 43 when I had my youngest and it is vanity I guess, but I would like to stay as young as I can for his sake as well as mine. Women go through so many changes, we get used to adapting but it can still be a struggle at certain moments. You look as beautiful and lively as you always do in these photos. I always think the Stylist is so lucky to have you as such a great influence in her life. Curtise puts it so beautifully as usual, we all probably think about these things and need to be able to discuss it without feeling as if we're fishing for compliments or reassurances every time we do. Also, just to totally change the subject, I'm a big fan of fingerless gloves and I'm hopeless at knitting, so I hope that tutorial is fool proof as I shall be giving it a go! Have a great day lovely lady. xx


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