Sunday, September 11, 2011

Domestic Sluttery

One of my favourite "gooey, chocolate-type" moments of the day is when I get to sit down with a pot of tea and trawl my favourite blogs.
Not only do I love perving at all the wonderful eccentrics I adore, but it's a double-bonus when I get to be a peeping-tom in the homes of the mad and fabulous.
There's something super-squeezy and spectacular about an outrageous, eye-popping outfit showcased in a home or garden that I would gladly swap with my firstborn (who's 22 and would laugh in the face of such insanity).
The reason?
My name is Desiree and I am a domestic slut.


My household is in a permanent state of domestic anarchy.
I hoard vintage clothing and have nowhere to put it all and even though I have cut right down on my vintage household trinkets, which are packed in boxes or have been given away, the clothing collection grows like mould.


The Stylist likes to swish that green thing around that I'm clutching, but I'm not sure what it's for.
There is next to no storage in our rented 3-bedroom home and I live with The Phoenix who holds the 1973 Olympic world record in hoarding.
The Stylist is a wild artist and crafter and her wonderful, huge constructions litter the house but I haven't the heart to dismantle them or throw them away, even after six months.
Between Number Two and Number Three sons, the former is a perfectly normal teen slob who strangely at 14, suddenly needs to be reminded to change his undies everyday. 
The latter can never find anything because he has his nose permanently jammed in a book and forgets that you can't pee straight in the bowl while reading.
So I've decided to out myself.


My Melissa sample sale haul took pride of place on the tacky kitchen lino, but sadly only for a couple of hours.
The reason most of my outfit shots are taken in the same location is because it's the only spot where the light is good and the ground is even for my tripod.
The other reason is that inside the house, we have a cardboard guinea pig playpen, cardboard box hotel and apartment buildings, mountains of unfolded (clean) washing, unmade beds, six computers undergoing life-saving surgery and dust regions you could name as principalities. 
You get the idea - it's wall-to-wall shite.
Sometimes it drives me insane, but with my unexplained chronic fatigue, I chose to do the hygenic stuff and leave the rest to fate.


The Stylist is responsible for this tiny corner of neatness.
So, if the light's right inside or it's pissing down outside, from now on I'm going to give you a peek at my wonderfully disgraceful outfits in my utterly disgraceful house.
After all, it's all part of growing old disgracefully and the plain truth that I will never pull my socks up and start behaving myself.
Welcome to Domestic Sluttery.

31 comments:

  1. I'm moving in to the guinea pig playpen! So much fabulous everywhere I look. Domestic sluttery suits you, darling!

    Sarah xxx

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  2. I am exactly the same! There's only The Boyfriend & I in our house, and it still seems to be constantly overflowing with things, no matter how much we get rid of. Plus, everthing and anything gets quickly knocked over by our lovely kitties.

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  3. Hahahaaa, I'm with Sarah!!! Make way!
    We'll bring OUR own brand of domestic sluttery, and we'll all slutterize together....it'll be most convivial,darl!!!
    You are HEAVENLY! I'd happily roll around with you in your domestic slut enviro.....with my skirt around my waist,no less.....who gives a fuck anyway??!! It's BOHEMIAN,dammit!!!And therefore somehow rather fabulous!!!
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  4. Bohemian is right! I never like those houses that don't have any STUFF - who lives in those? I bet their personalities are about as interesting as their houses are anyway.

    My house fortunately is rather large - with not many surfaces for knick-knacks....however, my desk is a shambles and the spare room is now my wardrobe and sewing room.
    And we have cats. Fluffy cats. EXTREMELY fluffy cats that get fur EVERYWHERE. Oh dear god.

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  5. We both need much bigger houses DD I lament that almost daily.I feel so much better that I am not the only domestically challenged person on the planet tho.
    As my little sign on the wall says....

    This house is proteted by a coat of dust.

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  6. I'm a clothes hoarder I give away a bag I bring home three... Who cares I say who needs cleanliness as long as you have happiness. I'm tempted to show people how I really live instead I photograph outside because you have to jump hurdles in my room.

    E :)

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  7. Our last house was really small and it was such a challenge to figure out where to put things, I like a house that looks lived in that I think is what makes a house a home :) Some of your vintage things all over I think would make for a pretty funky backdrop for your pics....I hear ya about the lighting!! outside is always great for taking pictures sometimes the inside lighting can really cast a funny glow on pics. ~Enjoy your life and smile tons thats the most important thing Momento Mori :) ~xoxo Heather

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  8. Brilliant post. I think I'm already a member of this club. :-D

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  9. Weeeehey, we're moving soon, so my new bedroom will probably also consist mainly of dust, boxes and sparkly things on the floor :)

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  10. ahhhhhhhhhhhh How much I would love to get there, and play with all those wonders.
    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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  11. A woman after my own heart. Both hubby and I are horrific hoarders, disorganised, untidy. Whilst we manage to keep a facade with a tidy living room and kitchen, the rest is chaos. Life is too short to spend it cleaning! Xx

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  12. Nothing wrong with clutter, and its a finely tuned skill knowing exactly where things are in the clutter, a skill us women have lol! Love your patchwork quilt.

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  13. Hoorah to domestic sluttery.
    My disgracefully slobby mother used to say that only dull women had tidy homes so I've used that as my mantra, too. I only clean when people are coming, what's the point of doing it when you can't see a difference?
    Your dressing table looks stupendously exciting and you are the sexiest advert for slatternly ways. xxxx

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  14. I love your truthfulness and sense of self, I like you love vintage cloths and trinkets and collect both.
    We all have a corner of neatness and your is lovely, life as you say is far to short, and goes all to quick, so like you I dust a bit and shop a lot.

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  15. Desiree, I would be quite comfortable in your home, mind if I check out the fridge? I'm rather hungry right now!

    I must come clean myself and admit to domestic sluttery but as Vix's mom said...only dull women keep a tidy home. It's odd tho that amidst the chaos of my home I have pockets of order. Don't know what to make of that. I can appreciate the aesthetics of a Zen-like home but I prefer being surrounded by my stuff. You know, like somebody actually lives here! Hooray for stuff and sluttery!

    BTW, great job with Helga's dress!

    xo, Bonnie

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  16. Oh fie - there's something very self-flagellating (and punishing - to say nothing of the utter SMUGNESS) to be had in this mania for minimalism - and the suggestion that if this isn't the kind of thing to be aspiring to - that you're somehow deficient (particularly if you're a woman - did you notice that?).

    Feck it - I need visual stimulation; I adore my knick-nacks and bric-a-brackery. Big white clean and empty spaces make my fingers itch for a nice thick black marker pen. I hang my jewellery on doorknobs throughout the house - I like to see my washing on the airing rack and stacks of books make great impromptu coffee tables. I don't have a guinea-pig playpen - but I do have wigwams of canvases and empty picture frames ...

    If that makes me slatternly, a slut or unhousewifery then I'll embrace it - I'd rather be covered in dust, surrounded by sparkly things that make me happy than be deep-cleaned :)

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  17. My mother has a sign in our house saying 'Only boring women have tidy houses' I'm inclined to agree =]

    My mam keeps our house quite tidy, but every press, wardrobe, corner of the attic, underneath-the-bed-space, every EVERYTHING is crammed with stuff that we accumulate =] A house full of hoarders!

    Lee x

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  18. My mother has a sign in our house saying 'Only boring women have tidy houses' I'm inclined to agree =]

    My mam keeps our house quite tidy, but every press, wardrobe, corner of the attic, underneath-the-bed-space, every EVERYTHING is crammed with stuff that we accumulate =] A house full of hoarders!

    Lee x

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  19. Oh dearest Desiree - thanks you thank you thank you! I no longer feel so bad about my own appalling domestic sluttery, knowing I am in such excellent company!
    We are overflowing too, and I think hygiene is a bit over-rated, so like Vix I only clean up if people are coming, or the dirt surpasses even my high tolerance for filth.
    I bet your home is warm and inviting and full of character and full of love and laughter. What could be better than that? xxxxxxx

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  20. I am in the process of trying to organize stuff I have purchased lately. It is not easy I really don't have much space. And in the future we plan on finding a slightly bigger place to reside. Since I know this I keep finding things I want for "My future new house" *LOL* I think if I pass it up I will never find it again. I suppose that is what loving vintage does to people. If I was obsessed with stuff from Ikea... I would just go buy it later. =p

    P.S. I soooooooooo badly want to see a full pic of your dressing table. MY GOD it looks absolutely gorgeous. I am still on the hunt for one. I come across 50's vanity tables every now and again but I really want a Watefall one.

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  21. Another lover of your dressing table here - mine is overflowing too. We're 'decluttering' to sell but in reality it just means we have cupboards it's now dangerous to open and I can never find my hairbrush!

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  22. Can I please steal your beautiful dressing table? The dressing table is the most important place to be organised.. top priority! The Stylist has that rule down.

    Your house sounds full of wonderful craziness. I'd love to have a rummage around haha! I don't think you'd appreciate it though!

    We have one of our 3 bedrooms dedicated to storage.. storage of any crap we don't want in the other rooms plus there are lots of boxes still full of things from when we moved in here over a year ago! We're in the process of decorating the living room which is completely empty right now apart from a sofa and the tv unit.. everything else is in the 'storage' room.

    Every home needs a bit of mess otherwise it wouldn't feel lived in! xxx

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  23. a collection that grows like mould. I can relate! And though I am not contending with quite so many creative personalities, my home would not garner a "Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval." You have my permission to snap your photos anywhere you like!

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  24. I'm a fan of that fake tidiness at home.

    You know, when it's nice and neat on the surface, but you have to put on a helmet if you want to try to open a cupboard or wardrobe because once you open the door, that's it, all the crap you hid in there is going to jump out and kill you.

    Poppy.x

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  25. I love your dressing table and your house sounds wonderful. We live in a tiny brick house in inner-city and it's hard trying to keep things organised. I love peeping into bohemian homes like the Selby feature. I think as long as you surround yourself with what you truly love or need then you can't go wrong. xx

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  26. I'm with Vix, I only clean when someone else has to see my flat! I love peeking into other peoples houses too! Nelly takes some of the best outfit shots because I can always spy a few amazing frocks or bags in the background.

    Embrace your hoarding ways! Xoxoxox Claire

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  27. So long as it's clean, who cares if it's tidy! I'm a firm believer that a house needs to look lived in before it feels like a home anyway.

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  28. Desiree,
    You deserve to lay around telling the kids what to do. I love you in your sluttery vata (petticoat). I know drives me crazy when a house is too tidy. my mother-in- law drives me loca with all her folding.
    I so want to go and rummage through your vanity. I been wanting a proper vanity for ages.

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  29. We have a Pennsylvania Deutsch saying "My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy!" The only reason my house is not currently overflowing with treasures is that we are trying to sell it and have them all packed away in boxes. You just have your priorities right! -T

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  30. I have a sign that I have had for about thirty years "Cleanliness is next to impossible." When I clean ha ha, I pile up the clutter and put the sign on top.

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  31. You go girl, our flat is a permanent pigsty too xx

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Just do it ...

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