Thursday, March 14, 2013

What Would Joyce Do?

There are rumours of a secret society out there.
It has no name, no official members, but when disciples discover one another, they are known to create a kind of wonderful panic.
They shout obscenities such as: "for god's sake stop wearing those ugly jeans!", "why are you such a prat?", "forget cordon bleu, your cooking is shite, make some egg and chips!" and "get a job!".
Welcome to the world of Anti-Joyce.

If you're super lucky, you get a badge from one of the founders of this phenomenon sweeping the planet ... in a parcel of joy.
Thanks to the super-gorgeous, glorious Clare of Miss Simmonds Says.

Darling Clare found this gorgeous gold sequinned top and sent it to me with a swag of treasures, including a darling 80s turquoise teddy, sequinned belt, glorious badges made by her fair hands, vintage rose postcards and a scrummy black printed summer frock.

Yes people, the appearance of Midsomer Murders' Joyce Barnaby wearing her various mantels of chorister, actor, supporter of the arts, gourmet chef, horticulturalist and generally annoying griege-wearing person brings me out in hives.
And our artist-at-large, Clare, has taken full advantage of the situation by creating the Anti-Joyce badge to wear with pride.
Jane Wymark is clearly an accomplished actor for her to elicit so much loathing from your leading fan and critic of British murder mysteries.
Some of my general mutterings overheard by family:
"Oh he's gonna be the first to die."
"Is anyone dead yet?"
"Just wait, Tom's gonna slip out for a pint and chips."
"Fucking aspirer."
Let's get down to business then shall we?
So I wonder what Joyce, champion of the arts, would think of this circus bint visiting Causton.

Gold bra, blue belt, badges - gifted by beautiful Clare
Frida necklace - gifted by my favourite supermodel, Tamera
Circus-style waistcoat - gifted by lovely Emmah, who's taking a blogging break
Black lace scarf, mini sombrero, garter around wrist - thrifted
Tiger-print velvet hot pants - Etsy shop, BOODWAH
Earrings - gifted by the darling Squirrels
JC shoes - massive Solestruck sale
Green necklace and rings - craft markets

 Lily the lion practising her pouncing out of the window routine.

Check out our new circus girl.
It's Funky Jumper in full flight!

OK Joyce?  You can put up a few flyers and sell some marmalade - but you'll need to lose the jeans and frock up love.  K?
Hope you enjoyed the show folks!
Molti baci,
Desiree xoxo


  1. You are so many kinds of wonderful.

  2. Between the *glittering* green eye makeup, the *gold* bra and that *fabulous* pink ring, my eyes just CAN'T settle. I don't know where to look: so much, so much, SO MUCH. Well done, lovely!! xo xo

  3. Elbow sombreros are going to be the next big thing, I can feel it. Also, you're the best at wearing underwear as regular clothes! All around, you're marvelous to behold. xo

  4. make me so very happy.... (-: (-: (-:

  5. You look like a FABULOUS super hero!

  6. The Funky Jumper is awesome!!! The hot pants kill me-- you should never wear pants-- just hot pants and leotards. The gold bra from Clare is beyond everything-- I am loving it's glitteriness. I also really like that white vest a LOT and I always love those shoes!!
    Becky :)

  7. I knew that gold bralet was going to be incredible and man, I wasn't disappointed! I'm dying over those velvet hot pants and the elbow sombrero's a work of genius. Your sparkly eyeshadow is divine. Hoorah for Clare!
    I wish you'd get a walk-on role in Midsomer Murders, I can't sit through more than 20 minutes of that hideous Middle-England harridan with a that hair that looks like it's been cut with a knife and fork. She'd take one look at you and spontaneously combust with righteous indignation and John Nettles could once again be the hottie he was in Bergerac. xxxxxxxxx

  8. If you rocked up to Badger's Drift, Tom would chuck Joyce off a church roof. As a long time Anti-Joycer, I wear my badge with pride and you'd be shocked (or not) as to how many people stop me to ask where I got it. Clare could go in to production!
    I am often heard to shout 'For the love of god, he'd never shag her.'
    That is a cracking gold bra and you look awesome. The sight of you has set me up for the day.xxxxxxxxxxx

  9. Iwish my English vocabulary was/werw (?) richer so I could pour superlatives of your outfit and your blogpost here, but perhaps it's enough that I write that youa are just fine!

  10. At first when the Anti-Joyce movement was founded I thought you were referring to the writer, so I didn't took part to the revolt, but now I understand!! By the way I don't know her and I don't care about her because you are fabulous and This post is full of glory! I love the golden Bra with the hot pants, the badges on the black lace headband and your glittered sunnies! These photos are full of joy and it's always a pleasure to see some presents that come from the heart, can't wait to see you wearing that lovely dress!
    Lots of love!
    Elbow sombreros are the new black!

  11. Joyce has got it made, she can just wander around do a bit of basket weaving here and a bit of bell ringing there whilst her hubby is out working his ass off catching crooks.
    Personally I think there is a darker side to Joyce, one that we never get to see.
    Perhaps behind that clever greige cover-up there's a woman that invites both the milkman & the postie in for much more than a cup of tea and a biscuit or maybe when hubby is away she organizes secret parish crochet & swinger parties? Now that would make for an interesting post watershed offshoot.
    Gosh you are a splendidly bendy lass, I love your majestic Grace Jones style pose, very impressive! Loving the sizzling hot pants & bustier combo, you are my favourite circus gal :)
    Loads of love,

  12. Well, I think if you turned up in Midsomer you would cause quite the stir. I'm not saying you'd be the first one bumped off (maybe you would be the murderer who nobody expects because of their sheer in your faceness!) I'm ambiguous toward Joyce, I can see the reason some find her annoying as she is the kind of model citizen that doesn't really exist anywhere. Having said that, I wouldn't mind her living next door to me. She'd be the kind of person you could trust with a spare front door key!

    I don't know where to start on your get up today. There really is too much to comment on! Suffice to say you have a hot bod and look fantastic in all these pics. Hurrah for Clare and her parcels of magic xxx

  13. I've always been a bit funny about old Joyce...but know I know why! As usual you have elucidated my thoughts. And I thought it was just her teeth I couldn't stand!

  14. What I don't get about Midsomer Murders is IT'S A VILLAGE but NO ONE seems traumatised or concerns at the many, many dead locals and fact that every social climber ends up banged up for murder. In the real world, it would be deserted by now!

    I think one day there will be a finale where Joyce masterplanned it all, hence her superb disguise of innocence.

  15. You are one amazing lady and you always make me smile with warmth. Bless Claire she gave you some beatiful goodies the belt and the top look fabulous as does everything on you. And the stylist is amazing just like her mum, dee xxx

  16. Woohoo Desiree! I'm woohooing over your sheer fabularseness and that lungey yoga pose (the dancer) which I struggle to do in my yoga class. Good on ya, sweetie. I've no idea who Joyce is but she looks uncannyly like someone I work with. Clare's parcel of joy is magnificent and I'm finding Jennie's suggestion of "secret parish crochet and swinger parties" oddly appealing! xx

  17. Fuck me, elbow sombrero! You are a fashion genius. Love you more then Coke Zero and days offs.

  18. Sign me up for the club!1
    You brought a huge smile to my face!! You proudly fly your freak-flag and I LOVE it!! How can anyone be pissy-bored looking at the joy that is you??

    My sister is a Joyce. she makes me crazy. Her son (my fav nephew) is just like me. We LIVE to irritate her!!

  19. Like Lucy, I'm pretty indifferent to Joyce, but I like Jennie's idea! I reckon Barnaby picked her up working on a case and the model citizen act is just a front! Have you seen the newest Midsomer Murders? the current Mrs B is pretty dull as well. actually the dog's the best actor these days! The bra top looks marvellous on you!

  20. I don't watch Midsomer Murders, and maybe Joyce is the very Devil in Griege, but I am feeling a little sorry for her!
    However, Clare's badges are legendary, and the Anti-Joyce movement has some fabulous followers! (I am still chuckling at Edi Pop's assumption you were all dissing James Joyce!)
    Clare sent you a vertitable feast of treasures, and you are rocking the glittery bra top s only you could. Those hot pants are making me pant, a little... Phhoarr, Des, you have a bod to die for!
    Love Funky Jumping Stylist gal too! xxxxx

  21. I wish we were neighbors!!!! I am trying to imagine how long I could live by you and not come on over and make you me bestie! Clare hooked you up beautifully and you are looking happier than ever! The stylist jumping for joy is pretty cute too!
    Loveyoubothmore than Die Antwoord...but its close!

  22. You are definitely a body reader, that dress fits as if it was made for me. You look hawt in these pictures... how are you so flexible? Are you a dancer? Xx

  23. That bra looks as perfect as I thought it would, I knew you had to have it! The lady in the top hat is from a film you and Mr Phoenix like isn't it? You look stunning. I love that belt too. I knew you'd love it all. Now I want photos in the teddy and the dress! Now you can run away to the circus! xxxx

  24. best quote from bella q. you ARE so many kinds of wonderful. i love all . i got my great head band today. thank you so much.xx lucy

  25. OMG straight away I knew you were talking about Joyce Barnaby!!!! I agree with you - I find her so frustratingly pure and perfect and boring. You on the other hand are a picture of light and fun and colour!! You look fabulous.

  26. Something quite Wonder Womany about your outfit with the red skirt included, but I much prefer you with your glorious long legs on full display! You really need another pin that reads Circus Bint don't you?? Just gorgeous as always :)

  27. I want your gams. Any one who can do that pose, on a wall, with four-inch platforms on, gets a huge gold star in my book - or an Anti-Joyce badge (she is so fun to hate, but not be because she tries yet seems to fail at every artistic endeavour - but rather because she's so dour :( and never cracks a smile!).

    The sequin belt is just a stunner, very Wonder Woman, I agree, as is the whole ensemble - you go girl! Xo

  28. Oh, that golden sequins top is amazing! haha, I watched old episodes of Misomer Murders a bit ago. haha. You look super fabulous! /Madison

  29. OMG those shoes!!!! I could never walk in them, but I love seeing you do it!

  30. You're such a wonderful and wild circus creature !
    I'm in love with your pink ring !

  31. good heavens! look at your gorgeous legs! And those shoes are so amazing I just wanna vomit with jealousy

  32. Hot hot hot, you are the antithesis of greige Joyce, sweetie! You're my heroine! And you're wearing your amazing wonderwoman platforms, and doing acrobatics in heels, what a gorgeous gorgeous goddess you are!

  33. i love you, you are the cooler and more fabulous version of wonder woman here, that gold sequined bra top with your shorts and usa heels made my heart skip a beat. and i totally admire your poses, that you managed it to not break your legs with standing only on one leg, is this a kind of fabulous freak yoga pose? i love it;)
    hope you had a wonderful weekend darling!

  34. Holy $h!zz B0MB$ this is one of the Sexiest and wicked Des outfits I have ever seen. *Rawr rawr rawr*
    Your rocking the circus look like none other and look at those gorgeous legs. I will start praying every night to have legs like you at some point in my life.... I am having doubts it will happen. *lol*
    Love the GIF of the Stylist. Oh and I am so jealous of her HK SHIRT!!! OMG IT'S FANTASTIC!!! I just found myself a HK hoodie on clearance yesterday and I almost screamed in the middle of the isle. *hahaha*

  35. Anti-Joyce! That cracks me up :) But as Rose and Bird says, the new Mrs B is just as dull.

    Catching up with all your adventures, and you are looking as fabulous as ever. I want your legs!

    Annie xxx

  36. You are a bundle of frickin JOY!!!
    big hugs,

  37. Good Lord woman, how can you do the Dancer pose in those shoes??? I think you should only wear sparkly bra tops and hot pants during the summer; they are for you what t-shirts and shorts are to the rest of the population. Clare knows your style through and through, doesn't she?

    We don't get Midsomer Murders over here, so I thought it was an anti-James Joyce movement at first too.


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